I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
