One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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