seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
