Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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