If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
