Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
