SEEEEXXX PLEASE
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
