Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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