tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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