I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Boobs speak an international language.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
