he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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