What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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