I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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