So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
