apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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