She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
