I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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