I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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