Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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