How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
