I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
time to smoke my breakfast
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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