To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
