Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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