How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
