just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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