he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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