Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have already put on my inside pants.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
