You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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