I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
