that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
