one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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