Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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