Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
