Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
