I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's always time for handjobs
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
