just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
