Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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