you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
