Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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