just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
