She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
