he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
