you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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