I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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