I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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