so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
this hospital has no fireball
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
