Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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