You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
