Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
