WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
