the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
