So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
